All day yesterday I debated whether I would take my children to see the fireworks display about twenty minutes away. I had just about made up my mind not to go. It was hot and the gnats are awful in this part of Georgia. I knew the children would fuss and complain about the heat and the bugs. I also had to take care of all the animal chores, supper, and cleaning up. My husbands uniforms for work also needed to be finished so he could go back on the road for a really long run. The thought of doing all the chores and then taking the children to see fireworks by myself just overwhelmed me. I don't like doing new things by myself, and the fact that I've lost my Jake three times in a public place the last month didn't make me too excited to go either!
I finally told Alissa I didn't think we were going. The sad, disappointed look just crushed me. It was a true, humble look, not one to manipulate. I guess that is what made it so bad. Then the battle within really heated up! I fought the good fight within. I fought the fight to leave my comfort zone and make lasting memories for my children. I can't always not do fun things because Bill is not with me. If I want my children to have fun memories, there are going to be many times I am just going to have to put on my big girl outfit and just do it! It is the nature of my husband's job. I can't not go and give him the excuse I don't want to because he is not with me. How must that make him feel? Surely he has enough guilt having to be away so much. If I am always using that excuse, doesn't that make him feel even more guilty? God has really been dealing with me on that issue. Yesterday, before he went to bed, I caught myself about to do it again. I quickly stopped myself before the words came out. Now, I am so glad I did!
I rushed to finish up all my work around the house, still not convinced I was going. I fixed Alissa's hair into the cutest little braids and dressed them in red, white, and blue, still not convinced I was going.
|Sorry! I had to take pictures, because|
I have NEVER been able to braid her
hair until recently.
I quietly got dressed as Bill slept, still not convinced I was going. I loaded the kids in the car and left, still not convinced I was going. There was a chance for storms. Maybe it would start raining before we got there, and I wouldn't have to actually go through with it. We pulled up at the venue. I had a talk with the children that they HAD to stay with me. Jake was instructed that he HAD to hold my hand the whole time. We got out of the car and made our way around, eventually ending up at the concession stands. The children were thrilled by the sight of cotton candy being made. While waiting on our cotton candy, Jake spotted candy apples. I was so thrilled with my accomplishments that I also bought a candy apple! The children had never had a candy apple before. I am almost possitive that I was a little girl the last time I had one.
We carefully made our way back to the car. I was more confident that I could do this. I opened up the hatchback and let the children crawl in to sit. The cotton candy was opened. It was too fun watching them eat it! Yes, surely I could do this! I spent about an hour fanning them with a hat to keep the bugs away. The thrill of cotton candy and sitting in the back of the car started to wear off. The reality of heat induced itching (they have horrible eczema) and bugs started setting in. Their patience in waiting was wearing thin. Their complaints were growing, and Jake was asking to go home. I wanted to load them up and go home. My patience was wearing thin, too. Couldn't they just be grateful for what I was doing for them? Didn't they appreciate the day-long battle I had fought for them? Of course not, silly me. They had no idea. Maybe I was foolish for even going. Weren't those some of the biggest reasons I had decided not to go in the first place? Finally, just in the nick of time, the sun settled lower in the sky and a nice breeze began to blow. The bugs finally went to bed- or wherever they go in the evening. :) The smiles returned to the little faces. Yes, I could and was doing this! In no time, the fireworks were booming. Alissa and Jake loved them, Alissa more so than Jake. After about twenty minutes, Jake was ready to go. He finally got back in the car and buckled up. Alissa continually said she wished they would do them forever. :)
Alissa cried on the way home because she missed the fireworks, and both children asked when we could go back. Those two funny birds! What fun it was to get back home where Daddy was waiting just for us to return before he left and hear the children run into the house squealing their excited stories. How fun to watch Bill's pleased, excited face as he listened to them. If I had not taken the children and endured the bad with the good, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the special memories, and Bill wouldn't have been able to enjoy the moment either.
Where to next?! ;)